Over the many years of developing my intuition I've learned that as one begins to open up to it they start to get a sense of the bliss, joy, and pleasure that is all around them. Many of us cannot let that much pleasure in as we're more comfortable staying with our own problems. I encourage you to develop your intuition and awareness of energy so you can inherently sense the ecstasy that is everywhere. It is in the little flowers, the wind, the forces of nature. There is an ecstasy all around that most people will miss because they live only in their heads and don't know about it. Part of opening to this energy is going further than your head and sensing the larger universe including nature so you can learn to surrender to the bliss that is all around us.
I discuss the art of reading people's energies in my new book, The Ecstasy of Surrender that is coming out April, 2014. I'm so excited that you can pre-order it now HERE. As an introduction I wanted to share with you a talk from my book, Second Sight that I gave at the New York Open Center on this topic. Remember you deserve to feel the bliss!
SECOND SIGHT author Dr. Judith Orloff describes how to sense the energies of others, repel energy vampires, and how to embrace bliss.
As an energy psychiatrist I know that to come out ahead with drainers, you must be methodical. Emotional vampires can’t savage your peace of mind or prick you to death with corrosive remarks if you’re onto them. This survival guide from my book, Emotional Freedom covers everything from recognizing an initial exposure to deploying techniques to deflect negativity. It will enable you to stay centered in difficult relationships.
The First Strategy: Determine Am I Being Sapped By An Emotional Vampire?
Anyone who has ever shared an office, car pool, or attended a family dinner with a vampire can attest to experiencing some common emotional side effects. Even after a brief contact, you feel worse; they feel better. To find out if you’ve been bled, watch for these signs. Experiencing even one indicates you’ve met a drainer on the prowl.
In addition, sometimes intuitive flashes and dreams can raise a red flag. Pay attention. For instance, following a dinner I attended where the guests had something negative to say about everything, I dreamed I was bombarded by a storm of leeches. Similarly, after a critical friend skewered one of my patients, she felt as if she’d fallen to the bottom of a well. Another patient dreamed that a pigeon pooped on her head--splat, there it was: her reaction to a nasty altercation with her apartment’s superintendent. Whether you’re awake or asleep, notice telling imagery that conveys emotion. This will help you identify a vampire.
The Second Strategy: Practice These General Do’s and Don’ts With Emotional Vampires
Whenever possible, eliminate drainers from your life. However, with those you can’t or don’t want to remove--for example, friends going through a rough patch or relatives who are fixtures--follow these tips:
Also consider what kind of emotional vampires you’re facing; we often attract what we haven’t emotionally resolved in ourselves. If you’re fearful, you may find yourself surrounded by legions of fearful people. However, once you’ve begun to heal an emotion, you’re less likely to magnetize it towards you, nor does it possess the same ability to wear you out.
If you decide that the pros outweigh the cons of remaining with an emotional vampire, say a bullying colleague or mate, you must take responsibility for that decision and the way you respond. Ask yourself, “How can I stay in the relationship and not feel oppressed?” This means concentrating on the good and accepting someone’s limitations.
The Third Strategy: Could I Be An Emotional Vampire? How Do I Know?
We’ve all got a smidgeon of vampire in us, especially when we’re stressed. So, cut yourself a break. It’s admirable to admit, “I think I’m emotionally draining people. What can I do?” Can’t be free without such honesty. Then you can change. These are some common indications that you’re becoming a drainer.
The solution is always to own up to where you’re emotionally stuck and change the related behavior. For instance, one patient in computer graphics kept hammering his wife with a poor-me attitude about how he always got stuck with boring projects at work. Instead of trying to improve the situation, he just kvetched. She started dreading those conversations, diplomatically mentioned it to him. This motivated my patient to address the issue with his supervisor, which got him more stimulating assignments. Similarly, whenever I slip into vampire mode, I try to examine and alter my behavior or else discuss the particulars with a friend or a therapist so I can change. Don’t hesitate to seek assistance when you’re stumped.
The Fourth Strategy: Identify and Combat Emotional Vampires
To be free of vampires, you must know the nature of the beast. Each one has a special talent for emotionally disabling you. The good news is that vampires are predictable. Once you get their number, you won’t be caught off guard. Understanding vampires from multiple angles gives you the upper hand. So does having empathy for their emotional wounds--intuitively, these feel as real to me as physical injury. Think about it: No one becomes a vampire because they’re happy! Whether or not they know it, vampires are driven by insecurity and weakness, infirmities that impede goodwill. This doesn’t excuse their predatory acts. Rather, it allows you to show compassion for people you may not like while setting limits, a paradigm for emotional diplomacy that frees you and reduces drain. This framework will help clarify your relationships, but realize there’s much more to a human being than any single definition. Stay focused: your aim isn’t to rehabilitate vampires, merely to counter them with uncommon grace.
It may sometimes be awkward to set healthy boundaries with negative or draining people, but it is an important skill to learn. If someone has unrealistic expectations of you or unable to respect your feelings remember “No” is a complete sentence. A key to setting boundaries is to come from a centered, unemotional, place—not to be reactive. For example if someone has been saying disparaging comments about you, from a heartfelt center say, “Please don’t talk about me to others. It’s inappropriate and disrespectful.” Then refuse to argue about it, even if your buttons are pushed.
Dealing with an Emotional Drainer
If you meet someone and your energy starts bottoming out, don’t think twice about politely removing yourself from this killing interchange. One of my favorite foolproof lines is, “Excuse me; I really have to go to the bathroom.” Even the most intrepid vampire doesn’t have a counter-argument for that. It’s important that you move at least twenty feet from beyond the person’s energy field. Whenever your well-being feels at risk around certain people, make a tactful and swift exit. In a spot, physically extruding yourself is a sure, quick solution.
Dealing with a Constant Talker
The secret to dealing with a constant talker is knowing they don’t respond to nonverbal cues. You have no choice but to make your needs audible. Tone is especially critical with these vampires. They’re hypersensitive to rejection, which provokes them to ramp up their verbiage. So, with a constant talker try to be caring--these are wounded people!--but stay definite and neutral. Then, from a heart-center, set the parameters of your dialogue. Then you won’t be left limp, resentful, or forced into rudeness. You can politely say, “I’m a very quiet person, so excuse me for not talking a long time,” or “I feel left out when you dominate the conversation. I’d really appreciate a few minutes to talk too.”
Dealing with a Criticizer
If an intimate or co-worker keeps telling you how to deal with something, politely say, “I value your advice, but I really want to work through this myself.” You may need to remind the controller of your position several times, always in a kind, neutral tone. Repetition is key. Respectfully reiterating your stance over days or weeks will slowly recondition negative communication patterns and redefine the terms of the relationship. If you reach an impasse, agree to disagree. Then make the subject off limits.
Dealing with a Complainer
The moment you sense a complainer revving up, take a slow, deep breath to center yourself. Breathing is a wonderful way to quickly reconnect with your life force so their in-your-face intensity won’t sear into your energy field and cause burn-out. Keep concentrating on your breath. Tell yourself you know what’s happening, and you can handle it. As I remind my patients: you have power here. I know how easily we can lose it. But, when beset by this overheated drainer, you need to own that moment. Do so by letting your breath release tension and ground you. This will keep you from getting caught up in their story. Then lovingly tell them, “Our relationship is important to me, but it’s not helpful to keep feeling sorry for yourself. I can only listen for five minutes unless you’re ready to discuss solutions,” or “I’m really sorry that’s happening to you.” Then, after listening briefly, smile and say, “I’ll keep good thoughts for things to work out. I hope you understand, I’m on deadline and I must return to work.”
If you feel like you are being overwhelmed by a difficult person here are some strategies to help you gain control and become centered again.
As an intuitive psychiatrist I help my patients and workshop participants learn how to develop their intuition to deepen their sexual lives. In my book, Guide to Intuitive Healing I devote a whole section
to exploring sexual wellness. Sexual awakening means coming into your own erotic power. How each of us does this may differ. Conventional wisdom teaches you to clarify your sexual needs, then learn to communicate physically and emotionally with a partner. Of course both are essential. Sexuality is neither a marathon nor a sprint. Nor is it competitive! You must find your own sexual rhythm and style. The kind of awakening I’m describing includes the psychological and physical, but intuition offers other erotic options.
Sexuality radiates from many places: your physical body, your body’s subtle energy, inner guidance, dreams. Honestly ask yourself, Am I happy with my sexual life? What works? What doesn’t? No judgments. Only truth. Then you’ll know what you’re dealing with. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. You may want to explore a complete process of rebuilding. Or perhaps you’ll embrace the good, discard the rest. Remember though with intuition, nothing is ever static.
Teaching workshops throughout the country, I see a radical shift in what many of us want for ourselves sexually. Tolerating months or years slipping by without sharing a real connection in a relationship no longer seems feasible. Couples long to relate more closely, even if they don’t know how. Awakening sexuality requires intimate expressions. Partners must talk, explore, dream, intuit, make mistakes, make amends, overcome strife by returning to the heart again and again. We’re all learning together. Your triumphs are my triumphs; they have a collective ripple effect on everyone wanting intimacy. Conscious sexuality, founded on spirituality and intuition, requires the following four building blocks.
Sexual relationships become more erotic when people share basic values. It’s a balancing of forces. Resonances harmonizing. For instance, imagine you and your partner making love. If you both believe this act is sacred, your bond will strengthen, your ecstasy increase. Two people don’t have to agree on everything. Harmony is the melding of simultaneous notes in a chord. But when it comes to what counts – the merits of the heart, spirituality, a desire for passion – be on the same page with your partner, or at least striving toward it.
2. Passionate Communication
Being intuitive with a partner doesn’t mean you can always read each other’s mind. Express your preferences as positively as possible. For instance, telling your partner, “I really like it when you touch me softer here, harder there,” “Going slower feels great,” or “Please do that again.” If this is the tone between two people, tougher subjects can also be breached. A sense of appreciation of your partner and a sense of humor keep passion going. In relationships communication must stay open in all areas.
Beyond emotional communication, as you and your partner become intuitively attuned all kinds of wild subjects may come up. When making love you could see colors, feel energy shoot through your spine, experience intuitive flashes about how to bring your partner closer. This can all be very erotic. Don’t hold your experiences in or think they’re weird.
3. Making Love with Spirit
The writer Alan Watts said, “When you’re in love with someone, you see them as a divine being.” The divine is ecstatic, at times erotically so. Many spiritual belief systems fail to make this association. Typically God is portrayed as love unrelated to sexuality. I’d like to amend this; I believe we must include God in our sexual lives too. Take a simple approach. If you’ve never experienced spirit as sexy before, while making love ask, “May the divine flow through me” (a sacred, not sacrilegious request). Then stay aware of what happens physically, focusing on your erotic response. Slowly let it spread from your toes through your genitals to your head. Spirit gravitates to where love flourishes. Your body is the instrument it sensually plays.
4. Letting Go of Shame
Let’s aspire to viewing our entire bodies as luminous. For the purpose of society, we wear clothes. But underneath layers of pants, sweaters, skirts, mufflers, coats, slips, hosiery, and underwear, we are all naked. This is our natural state, though it’s not mentioned much. The words vagina and penis embarrass people. Except between lovers they’re rarely used in our vocabulary. We are a culture of shame. But sex is nothing to be ashamed of.
Seeing the beauty of the body with intuition lifts shame. Respect your particular aesthetic sensibilities, but also be ready to examine which ones are based in shame. Touch. Scents. Sounds. Positions. Techniques. No shame – instead of being so quick to erase the primal traces of sexuality, move intuitively with them. There’s no need to inhibit yourself.
Sexual awakening necessitates balancing masculine and feminine aspects. If a man feels, I must be macho, or vulnerability makes me weak, that balance teeters. Similarly, if a woman feels, I have to squash my intuition so I don’t threaten men, a kind of death is under way. Awakening is about seeing how multidimensional we are rather than sexually polarizing. It’s not that men are more powerful than women or women more powerful than men. True power comes from internalizing both qualities.
Have you ever wanted to sleep separately from your partner, but you’re afraid to bring it up? Are you tired of his or her tossing and turning or snoring? Over the years I’ve had many patients and workshop participants come to me saying that they love their partner but often feel fatigued and overwhelmed in the relationship and would prefer sleeping alone. This is particularly true for highly sensitive empathic people. Even though there are those who thrive on togetherness there are many others, like myself who tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy and become overloaded, anxious or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space. This is amplified when you sleep in the same bed as someone! In my book, Emotional Freedom, I have a complete chapter on sleep that describes how to effectively negotiate your sleep needs with a partner without hurting their feelings.
Traditionally partners sleep in the same bed. However, some energy-sensitive people never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. It is important to speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, never getting a really good night’s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate sensitives. So, brainstorm with your mate about options. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-energy-sensitive people may feel lonely sleeping alone, make good faith compromises when possible.
More and more couples are becoming aware of this issue as indicated in this recent article in the Toronto Sun newspaper on “Sleep Divorce?” that I was interviewed for.
Sleep divorce? Sleeping apart for health and comfort is good for relationships
by Joanne Richard, Special to QMI Agency
Tired of tossing and turning? Annoyed with your snoring spouse? Save your marriage – get a sleep divorce. According to Dr. Judith Orloff, if you want to love the one you’re with, then you leave them – at night.
Orloff practices what she preaches: “My last partner and I used to sleep separately most of the time. He was a big bear who tossed and turned and was always hot. I needed more space and quiet with no snoring. I am a person who needs lots of blankets, comforters and coziness. He got too hot with all the covers I wanted.”
Sleeping separate is not a sign of imminent relationship demise. It is becoming much more acceptable among loving couples, says Orloff, adding that “this has helped many of my patients… it can save relationships and love." Good sleep equates to good health and good relationships: “It is hell not to get a good night’s sleep,” adds Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. Being sleep deprived can make you irritable and resentful of your partner who is snoring – “life isn’t as fun.”
Studies show that couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances if they shared a bed. According to sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus (thesleepdoctor.com), snoring and insomnia greatly impact sleep quality, but while separate bedrooms may provide better sleep, “the trouble is that it may affect intimacy as well.
“But if someone can make up for that, it can be a good short-term solution,” says Breus. For a loving mature relationship, sleeping apart for the sake of each person’s health is not a big issue, says Dr. Lois Krahn, a consultant at the Mayo Clinic Sleep Disorder Center. But “for people with a lot of insecurity about the relationship, sleeping separately can be a huge issue. They can feel rejected, unwanted, unattractive, undesirable or potentially replaceable. These feelings could easily creep into daytime interactions and start eroding the foundation of the relationship.” Recognize and accept that sleep is not synonymous with romance, security, dependence, or sexual activity, says Krahn.
Separate beds does not mean no sex, stresses Orloff. “Couples can still snuggle and have sensual times and sex before they go sleep in separate bedrooms. It is important to keep sensuality and sexuality alive. Otherwise this essential part of a relationship may be lost when people sleep apart.”
Try to work out your sleep differences before seeking separate bedrooms. Take these tips from sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus, author of The Sleep Doctor’s Diet Plan:
In my practice, I’ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for energy-sensitive people (of all ages) who’ve been lonely and haven’t had a long-term partner before. Once you’re free to articulate your needs, horizons open.
I’m a fanatic about following your passion. As a psychiatrist and intuitive when I work with my patients and workshop participants my mission is to hunt down and reinforce what creatively jibes for them from jobs to finger-painting. In my book, Positive Energy I devote a full chapter to help people to reconnect with their passion and creativity. Whether you’re writing the great American novel, laying bricks, or sprinkling rose petals on a salad, your delight and surrender to the impulse is what catalyzes energy.
Now this is your chance to investigate what does or doesn’t inspire you. The purpose: to honestly access
where your energy goes so you can constructively re-route it. To remember all inspiring inklings, I suggest you keep a journal and review it. Don’t be discouraged if you’re stuck in a rut or feel far from inspired right now. This inventory will turn all that around. Re-inspiring your life takes courage. It’s a solution-oriented process of uncovering, then commencing change.
My focus will be helping you to re-inspire your current job, even tiny bits of it--there’s always a way. Throughout this process, the poet Rumi’s words will be our mantra:
“Let the beauty you love be what you do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”
But how do we get there? Here are some basic steps from my book, Positive Energy.
Step One: In A Journal Define the Conflict About Your Job.
For instance, “I’m exhausted after eight hours, and I hate my work.” Or “I’m bored and need a change.” Or “I feel taken for granted.”
Step Two: Ask yourself the following questions:
Why doesn’t my job inspire me? Pinpoint the cause.
Step Three: Modify Your Current Work Situation
How to Re-inspire your Job:
If you’ve tried to re-inspire your job, but the situation is unredeemable, you may want to look for another. It could be an upward or lateral move. This may make all the difference. One of my patients who felt battered by her Napoleonic boss’s mood swings, found her blood pressure normalized and her inspiration returned when she quit that job and began working with another boss she enjoyed. In these cases, a change of place is just what’s needed.
Sensitive men are incredibly attractive. They are path-forgers in the new paradigm of the evolved man. Strong and sensitive. Intuitive and powerful. They’re able to give and receive love without ambivalence, being “unavailable,” or commitment phobia.
In my book Emotional Freedom, I write extensively about the power of empaths and describe strategies for how empaths can stay centered and strong in an overwhelming world. Since I’m an empath and worship sensitivity, I want to help empathic men (and women) cultivate this asset and be more comfortable with it. Empathic men often have a harder time than women because in Western culture sensitivity may be seen as a weakness or too “feminine.” This is a huge misconception. The new evolved man is skillful in balancing both the masculine and feminine in himself, embodying his full power.
Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme and are less apt to intellectualize feelings. This is particularly challenging for men as they are often told by society while growing up, “Big boys don’t cry.” That’s why it’s so important for sensitive men to let go of stereotypes and learn to embrace their gifts. I understand how hurtful the negative messages about being “overly sensitive” can feel—also how easy it is to get overwhelmed by excessive stimuli in the world. I've always been hyper-attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad. Before I learned to protect my energy, I felt them lodge in my body. Crowded places amplified my empathy.
The great beauty of male empaths is that they can feel where you are coming from. Some can do this without taking on people’s feelings. However, for better or worse, others, like myself and many of my patients, can become emotional sponges for other people’s stress. This often overrides the sublime capacity to absorb positive emotions. If empaths are around peace and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though, often feels assaultive, exhausting. Thus, empaths are particularly easy marks for emotional vampires, whose fear or rage can ravage them. As a subconscious defense, empathic men may gain weight as a buffer. Plus, an empath’s sensitivity can be overwhelming in romantic relationships; many stay single since they haven’t learned to negotiate their special cohabitation needs with a partner.
A man’s empathy allows him to love more fully and be more committed in a loving relationship. But empathic men must nurture their sensitivities while also grounding themselves in their power and setting boundaries with negative people so they aren’t drained. For more relationship strategies read my blog, “Relationship Tips for Highly Sensitive People.”
Recognizing that you’re an empath is the first step in taking charge of your emotions instead of constantly drowning in them. As one empath to another, I want to legitimize your sensitivity so you don’t think you’re losing your mind. I’d had numerous patients who’ve said, “Judith, I thought there was something wrong with me. I feel like such a sissy.” Not so. Our systems are just more permeable. Also realize that the fact that you’re the only person feeling something doesn’t invalidate your perceptions. To maintain resolve in an emotionally coarse world, empaths must have enough self-knowledge to clearly articulate their needs. Staying on top of empathy will improve your self-care and relationships. Here’s a summary of this emotional type.
Upside of Being an Empathic Man
Downside of Being an Empathic Man
Honestly accessing which traits are productive or not makes you freer. Of course, you want to be emotionally charitable, intuitive, and open, an empath’s assets. However, empathy won’t make you free if you walk around perpetually raw, easily fractured, or have your wildness go out in a whimper because you’re constantly having to emotionally defend yourself. For a male empath to be comfortable in his own skin it’s important to find the right mix of intellect, feeling, and grounding. Here are some exercises from my book, Emotional Freedom to help you achieve this.
Emotional Action Step. How Empathic Men (And Women) Can Find Balance
Practice these strategies:
When empathic men can learn the above skills to develop their sensitivities and ward off negativity, they will be more alive, more loving, more creative. Over time, I suggest adding to this list to pinpoint new protective strategies. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you’re on emotional overload. With pragmatic strategies to cope, empaths can feel safer, and their sensitivity talents can flourish.
Emotions can come at you hard and fast. You must be prepared.
In a flash, negativity can spin you into a tizzy, your center blown to smithereens. Not to worry. In my book, “Emotional Freedom” I provide readers with strategies for dealing with every angle of emotions--cerebral and intuitive, from earth to heaven.
There are four major components of emotions: their biology, spirituality, energetic power, and psychology. Together, these components create an elegant portrait of your emotional self, revealing breakthroughs about how you operate that will lead to freedom. Here is a summary of these four secrets that I discuss in “Emotional Freedom” to help you combat toxic energies and keep your peace of mind.
Secret 1: Reprogram the Biology of Your Emotions
To know thyself, you must know some basics of your biology. Biology lends piercing insights into our emotions. It is the awesome science of life that defines the laws of how living things relate, both physically and emotionally. All emotions trigger biological reactions that shape your health just as distinctly as what you choose to eat or how you choose to exercise. When you learn to change your emotional reaction to a situation, you change your biological reaction as well.
Emotional stress depletes your body and calm revives it. Finding calm is an emotionally stressed out person’s salvation, a humane time-out from turmoil when you’re centered and at ease. Stress hormones wane, as spasms in your shoulders and gut loosen, heart rate and blood pressure lower, mental frenzy relents. Your body can breathe freely again and gratefully releases its guard to become more open, soft, expansive.
Applying the First Secret: Reprogram the Biology of Your Emotions
Reduce Stress With This Three-Minute Meditation
This simple, stress-busting meditation is an initial action step you can take to forge a winning partnership with your biology. Practicing it, you’ll become increasingly adept at upping endorphins and short-circuiting your flight-or-flight response, biological gifts of meditation.
Secret 2: Uncover the Spiritual Meaning of Your Emotions
As a psychiatrist, I’m in the sacred position of getting to hear what goes on in people’s heads, from soccer moms to movie stars. Despite how externally different we may seem we all have basic emotional commonalities, and often keep getting similarly sabotaged. Everyone wants love, but negativity, our own or another’s, often subverts us. So what is our suffering for? The puzzle can be solved, but it requires a spiritual perspective.
Spirituality, as I’m defining it, is a quest for meaning that goes beyond the linear mind to access a vaster force of compassion to frame everything. Spirituality is freeing because it means opening the heart and doing your darndest to see every nanosecond of existence through this aperture. Always, you must ask, “How can a situation--any situation--help me grow and develop loving-kindness toward myself or others?”
Applying the Second Secret: Uncover the Spiritual Meaning of Your Emotions
A Heart Centering Meditation to Counter Negative Self-Talk
This meditation is a surefire antidote to negative self-talk. I’ve never seen anyone able to sustain a denigrating diatribe when they’re centered in the heart.
Secret 3: Learn the Energetic Power of Your Emotions
In Energy Psychiatry I’ve learned to see emotions as a stunning expression of energy. Positive ones nurture you. Negative ones deplete you. You feel emotions internally, while their energy extends beyond your body, affecting everyone you contact. Similarly, the emotions of others can register in you. I’d like you to begin to think of emotions in terms of subtle energy, a “vibe” emanating from yourself and others, an intimate sensing. Subtle energy is right in front of you, but isn’t visible. It can be felt inches or feet from the body.
I realize that it’s one thing to know this, and yet another to live it. The problem is that negative emotional energy is basically louder, wilder, and more seductively grabs your attention than the positive. On an intuitive level, emotions such as grief and terror are easier to sense than the lower keyed vibes of calmness or confidence. It’s important that you channel this knowledge into new behaviors so you’re not the doomed moth eternally drawn to the flame.
Applying the Third Secret: Learn The Energetic Power of Your Emotions
Try An Intuitive Experiment: Sense the Difference Between Positive and Negative Emotions
In this experiment, you’re going to compare two scenarios. With both observe how your words and tone affect your body and emotional state. Spend at least a few minutes trying these words on.
Scenario 1. Stand in front of a mirror and sincerely say to yourself in a loving, appreciative tone, “I look terrific and I’m a fantastic person.” Stay focused on your positives. Then feel, don’t think. Notice: How does your body react? Are you breathing easier? Do your shoulders relax?
Scenario 2. Stand in front of the mirror and say in your nastiest, most hateful tone, “I look horrible and I despise myself.” Really mean it. Flare those negatives up. How does your body react now? Notice: Your shoulders? Your gut? Chest?
I’m so taken by this exercise because it spells out that positive and negative energy are about as opposite as you can get. No confusing them. Ask yourself: Which do you prefer?
Secret 4: Map the Psychology of Your Emotions
Why do you feel what you feel? Where do fear of commitment, alpha achieving, or looking on the bright side begin? Which emotional coping styles hinder or serve you? These urgent questions are the life-blood of psychology’s study of emotions and behavior. You need to know your psychological self so unhealthy patterning doesn’t stifle you. Here’s a look at how psychology can liberate your heart and head. I’ll focus on one principle--“You are not your parents”--which is so central to your emotional freedom that it can dictate how you treat yourself and everyone you love.
Applying the Fourth Secret: Map the Psychology of Your Emotions
Take An Emotional Inventory of Your Parents
To get a well-rounded picture of your parents, I’d like you to take an inventory of their top five positive and negative traits. When identifying these traits, try to see your parents as human rather than idealizing or demonizing them. Get their pluses and minuses down on paper so they can stare right back at you. When reviewing the inventory, consider ways your parents’ assets or liabilities impacted you. Also, be truthful about the traits you too possess. If they are positive, embrace them. If they are negative, begin to work with one at a time to free yourself. You don’t have to worry about turning into your parents if you take action not to parrot their dysfunction.
Self-knowledge is a most impressive oracle, crystallizing who you are and can be. As it mounts, expect to feel a coming together inside of you, a beautiful feeling of awakening. I praise consciousness so unflinchingly because it’s the path to freedom.